The following excerpt is from Bent Corydon's 'Messiah or Madman?', which has a footnote about this rape scene:
"This sounds like a form of 'spiritual vampirism,' a kind of 'Black Sex-Magic.' "
by Ann Bailey
I found myself in a lavish bedroom. This still didnt worry me as sometimes interviews and sessions were held in bedrooms at the HolIywood Inn for staff. There was small table set up with an E-meter on it and again I thought about a session.
Without a word he suddenly began to undress me. I was repelled by him. I did not want to sleep with him. Yet, I felt really chilled and cold to the bone at that moment. I acutely sensed real fear and danger in the room. In an instant I realized the calculated power coming from this person. If I resisted I knew that my punishment would be extreme.
His eyes were so blank, no emotion, no interaction, nothing was there. I made the decision to not resist no matter what happened. I realized it would be a bad mistake for me to do so. He seemed to be completely divorced from reality. He was so strange that I realized that if I provoked him he could be extremely dangerous. I let him undress me without resisting.
I was totally unprepared for what happened next. He lay on top of me. As far as I can tell he had no erection. However, using his hand in some way he managed to get his penis inside me. Then for the next hour he did absolutely nothing at all. I mean nothing!
After the first twenty-five minutes I became about as frightened as I have ever been in my life. I felt as if in some perverse way he was telling me that he hated me as a female.
I then began to feel that my mind was being ripped away from me by force. That was the worst of all. I really felt he "coveted" an aspect of my personality and he wanted it. This was weird, total control on a level I could not fathom at that time. I had no idea what was happening.
After half an hour I really thought I was going crazy. I couldn't move my body from underneath him, and I could feel he still had no erection. He wouldn't look at me, but instead kept his head averted to the side and just gazed into space. I had to discipline myself to keep from screaming because I felt I was having a nervous breakdown. Then I got the terrible thought that he was dead. He was hardly breathing. Then I thought he would kill me too. My thoughts became very morbid.
After an hour he got up and walked out. I just lay there for ten minutes. Then mechanically I got dressed. Instantly after that I began crying hysterically. I cried and cried and cried.
I wasn't afraid of becoming pregnant. I was so afraid of whatever had been going on in this man's head. Finally when I couldn't cry anymore, I went downstairs and took a bus back to ASHO. [American St. Hill Organization] I didn't say a word to anyone. Months went by after this. I got my period on schedule which made me feel a little gratified at least.